A Desperate Quest

My heart heavy, I begin my agonizing journey
My destination called home, but not so.
Each step proves more difficult than the last
Each breath more laboured
I shiver ever so often
Forcing gulps of air down my throat as my body locks itself frozen.

Halfway there
I am utterly convinced I will never make it
At least, not in time.
I wonder if I could run
I wonder if I should try
My mind says I can but...
My limbs beg to differ.

At last! I see it!
The welcoming lights, the glorious stairs to my door.
At long last, my quest almost fulfilled.

Yet as I walk through my door
The one I call brother spares me an evil sneer
As he claims residence of the prize I so desperately sought.

The bathroom.

Another Graduation

So last weekend was Dad's graduation. That's right, he is now the Right Reverend Doctor Jason Selvaraj. How cool is that? Everyone won't stop calling him Doctor, he's already kind of sick of it lol.

The weekend was fun. We had some relatives down from India who were staying with Mom and Dad, and it was a huge family affair. And those are always a lot of fun :)

Anyway, congratulations pa. After all his work, now it's Mom's turn to slog away until she becomes a Dr. Daphne Selvaraj. And then when people send them invitation cards it'll be to Rt. Rev. Dr & Dr. Selvaraj. That'll be fun. 

I hope they frame the first of those that come in.

A Scare

So...I kinda wrote something. And it was really dark. So dark that when I read it again I kinda scared myself. Totally freaked myself out. It has nothing to do with me so nobody panic lol. Just was trying something a little different.

Here it is.

There was a boy
Cheeky, charming, artistic
Tortured, pained, wronged
Protective, caring, loving
Wild, unpredictable, devilish
Impulsive, sexy, good
Murderous, angry, obsessive
All at once
Flawed
Beautiful

There was a girl
Who made him care
Who brought light to his darkness
Who made him smile the way he used to
Before

He was my boy
My wonderful boy
He was mine
And I was his
But I wasn’t that girl

What I gave him was love
I gave him hope
I gave him me
We were happy
Almost content
Almost there

But along came her in his darkest hour
When my light was all but spent
When she’d make him smile
So would I
For his joy brought me joy tenfold
Then I would cry
For his smile came not from me
The way it used to

The pain I endured watching their happiness
Is too much a burden for words to bear
It never lessened, never rested, never held back
Never let me go back

So I took her away from him forever
And watched his goodness wither
The good in me fell in love with his happiness
But forever resented that he took away mine
From two wronged victims
We were condemned to be damned
To ever be lost in each other
Two soulless wanderers
Our darkness eternally devouring the other

A Sad Loss

So I was watching the Cory Monteith tribute episode of Glee the other day. Don't judge me, but I was in tears for pretty much the entire episode. *sigh* Don't do drugs people.

So even though I loved all the songs in the episode, my top two tear jerkers were clear.

My number one love from Glee, Mark Salling.

And of course, Lea Michelle. If you weren't crying during her performance, you have a heart of stone, good sir.

Even though I was never a mad fan of Cory Monteith, I did love the way he played Finn Hudson. And he was sort of the dorkier and much less hardcore version of our generation's Danny Zuko. I don't think I'll be able to watch Glee without him. And no, I'm not being dramatic. I tried watching the first two episodes and there's a gaping hole in the show without him. 

I'm actually a bit surprised at how sad I am about his death. It was just such a waste, I guess. He was so young and talented. And judging by the tributes that all his costars did right after his death, he was so loved.

Such a waste.

An Inconvenient Distraction

Lately I've been pretty occupied with work and well, work lol. And while I should be focusing on that, guess what I've been doing instead?

Falling in love.

I don't know why now, though. I've been watching this guy since last year. Try and imagine me saying that in the least creepiest way possible, okay? Can't help it though. He's unbelievably gorgeous. 

Look at that crazily beautiful smile/smirk. Ain't he irresistable??

Anyway, I just watched him in the 2010 movie, Ben Hur. He was incredible, obviously. Although what was most exciting about the movie of course was the fact that he spent about 60% of it shirtless, looking so flawless I wanted to cry. But ignore my fangirling, he actually is a really good actor. He just has this magic about him and he can drag you right into his character's pain and indecision and misery and helplessness. 

Like one post on Facebook says, 'When Klaus (his character on The Vampire Diaries/The Originals) cries, we all cry'.

You said it, fellow fangirl! I'm sure it's a fellow fangirl lol.

So to understand my epiphany, I suggest you read my post from a couple of months ago. You can skip it if you want, but it's important. Well, as important as an epiphany about why I'm madly in love with someone I've only ever drooled over from afar while watching him on a screen. Again, please picture me saying that in the least creepiest way possible.

http://lil-miss-sarcasm.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-new-semester.html

Do you see???

Number one weakness : Dimples

Check.

Tied in first place for number one weakness : Curly hair

CHECK.

Weakness number 3...or 4: Stubble

CHECK!!!!

His teeth are perfect but who the hell cares if they're not crooked??? He has all three of my top weaknesses!!! My perfect man exists!!! Like Larry said, "NO WONDER!!!".

Have I mentioned he's also unbelievably sexy when he's all badass and destructive when he's playing Klaus?

*sigh*

Damn I love Joseph Morgan. Damn you Joseph Morgan for making me fall madly in love with you, you beautiful bastard.

And now. I shall proceed to cry myself to sleep tonight lamenting the fact that he will never be mine and I will never find someone worthy of even half his perfection.

*begin lamentation*

A First Week

Yes, I have indeed joined the throngs of people who squeeze themselves into the sardine can that is the LRT on weekday mornings. This week was the first week of my internship at Hap Seng Credit. For the millionth time, it is NOT the biscuit company and NO there are no biscuits lying around for me to steal LOL.

Anyway being a typical girly girl (Okay who am I kidding I am not a typical girly girl. Fine, how's this? I choose certain situations to let my inner girly girl shine forth.) the first thing I started to plan was my work outfits. Then when I heard the dress code my heart dropped. All the way down to my toes. Apparently from Mondays to Thursdays the women are required to wear *gulp* skirts.

So off I went to dig around my 'cupboard of casual' to hopefully unearth some formal-looking skirts. It was almost a hopeless task. Thank goodness my alter ego, Miss Girly Girl, also sometimes makes an appearance when I shop for clothes. 

Anyway.

Work's going pretty okay. I have a nice cubicle to myself and the workload ain't that bad yet. Just been reading some files to familiarise myself with the paperwork and making some phone calls. And Mr. Boss Man who gives me work to do has been very helpful and patient, and the people are pleasant and friendly and smiley. So yay :)

I've been trying to be healthy by walking home instead of taking the LRT back. It's about a half hour's walk and it makes me feel all healthy and awesome. Except for when I'm crossing all the terrifyingly busy and very large roads on the way, of course. I'm proud to say I haven't at any point screamed in horror.

Yet.

Anyway, the walk would probably make me feel a lot healthier if I weren't walking along busy roads the entire way, inhaling the ever oh so sweet scent of exhaust. So much for being healthy lol.

So even though my first week has been pretty easygoing, I find that I now better understand two specific things that some working people do. Firstly, I understand the whole coffee thing now. I've never needed the stuff before. Classes, working at toy shops, I could daydream my way through anything. But now I need super strength Nescafe within the first hour of work lest I fall asleep at my desk. I was convinced I could be the first person ever to tear my mouth open from too much yawning. As though I'm doing so much work lol. But hey, I could fool the crap out of people. Boy, can I fool people. My body may look awake but you'll never know when my mind's on hibernate.

Another thing I finally understand. See, I know everyone loves Friday. I mean, it's the weekend. No classes, not feeling guilty about lazing around, I loved Fridays too. But now I understand why people who work celebrate so emphatically the arrival of this day. Even with my meager amount of work, oh my goodness.

I. Am. Soooooo....

TIRED!!

By the time I get home from work, all I do is wait for an acceptable hour to fall asleep. I think that's all my body and my mind will be capable of for a while. Hopefully just until I get used to my new hours la.

Oh but I did manage to stay awake on Wednesday for Sharanya's birthday party :D I love getting together with my school friends. We all just go completely nuts and I feel 17 again, and we all go right back to the craziness we so proudly flaunted back in MGS. It was a lot of fun too. The birthday party I mean. And even though I felt completely useless when we were playing charades cause everyone wanted us to act out Tamil movies (Thank goodness they made an exception for me. I really should hang myself. What kind of an Indian am I?), it was still pretty funny :) So of course at the end of the night, we all made (yet another) vow to not wait for the next special occasion to meet up. Hopefully we remember it this time and won't wait for Deepavali lol.

My goodness a lot has been happening this week. I'm still writing.

I'm also supercrazyoutofmymindexcited!! cause Alter Bridge's new album is out. Damn I missed you, Myles Kennedy :D :D :D

And before I go, I have a confession to make. 

So lately I've been bugging everyone (And by everyone I mean poor Larry and Joanna who have to put up with me) to watch the Comedy Central Roast of James Franco. I kept telling them how funny it was and how they should watch it cause it's so funny and they should watch it and they should watch it and they should watch it and they should watch it.

Well it wasn't a complete lie. It was funny. But I must admit.

I only watched it to see his beautiful face.

James Franco? In a tux? Continuously flashing that smile so beautiful it should be illegal?

I'm sure as hell sold.

*sigh* 

He's even beautiful when he's blurry. Damn him.