About five months ago, this album called Post Traumatic was released. Three months ago, I went to Bangkok to watch Mike Shinoda perform. And I have some things to say about it.
Mike Shinoda. You beautiful, talented human being.
Thank you for this album. You are so brave, putting your grief and your healing into song for all of us to hear. It has helped me so much; more than you can imagine. It helped so much with the loss of Chester, but also with other loss. Like the loss of people who one day just choose to walk out of our lives. The beauty of this album, its acceptance of mourning, its celebration of having had these people in our lives before we lost them, and its hope for the future, has just made something click into place inside me.
And thank you for the Post Traumatic tour! I sadly didn't get into the meet and greet, which I confess I was really sad about. It's probably for the best though; I told my friends for weeks that if I got into the meet and greet I might have burst into tears at the sight of you LOL.
I was a little thrown off at first that you weren't stopping in Malaysia. See, I've never actually left my home country before. Not for lack of trying of course, but numerous trips got postponed and cancelled and somehow, I reached the age of 28 never having seen a foreign country. But you know what? I saw the Bangkok dates and this girl right here decided to make her first international trip, which somehow became her first solo trip too. Yeah, that was definitely enough to terrify the crap out of me and excite me in equal measure (I'm sure my mom was hyperventilating til I got back. Sorry, ma!).
But that concert? Man, was it worth it.
The beautiful things you said about Chester almost made me cry. I didn't, because I felt super self conscious. But surrounded by strangers who love you like I do (every time someone in the crowd screamed that they loved you, I internally yelled "Me too!"), it felt like a wonderful, safe space. And I gotta say, I really love that about Linkin Park fans. I love that the music brings us together in a way that makes us part of the Linkin Park family.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you Mike. We've all looked to you to lead the way, and you have been so courageous, so kind, and so wonderful to not only share your journey with us, but to give us hope.
And thank you for the push I needed to gather myself by the bootstraps and make this trip by and for myself. Thank you, for the courage I found in wanting to see you perform, and send you my love and support from the crowd.
Also, if anyone ever asks (AGAIN) why I love Linkin Park (I mean, they're just a band, Ellana) so much, now all I'll have to do is tell them this story.
Much love and gratitude always,
(Now an international traveler and no longer Linkin Park/Mike Shinoda concert virgin)