Definitely maybe

Wow is the word....

I never expected second sem to be so freaking awesome!!

Yeah how unexpected is that sentence huh? After all the whining and fussing over PJ's awesomeness I'm finally beginning to appreciate that studying in Setapak, while not nearly as wondeful as my experience in foundation, is still gonna be pretty great :) I have 2 really cool subjects. Which is good by the way cause all of us need a break from the drama of taking maths subjects. I mean I know it's gonna be the pinnacle of whatever future career I choose but it ain't all that exciting you know?

Oral Communication is really cool. We have no lectures and no tutorials. Its all practical work. It involves a lot of talking and making noise which if course I'm exceptionally good at hehe. And our lecturer is soooo lame and funny. Best of all, his name is Mr. Selvaraj. Which happens to be the father's name of yours truly :) He actually asked who among us in the class was his 'daughter'. And my classmates are all really sporting and funny. I really do look forward to those classes. Never once have I checked my watch in that class. Shu and Anna know how rarely that happens :)

The other class I quite like is Academic Writing. It has just been too long since I've been writing on a continuous basis other than blogging. And blogging isn't quite creative writing, if you know what I mean. The other day in class I started writing a narrative passage and just couldn't stop. My lecturer took a look at my page and said that it was already too long. And I was only halfway done :) Got a little excited I suppose. So that class is quite awesome as well.

My other 2 subjects are nothing to shout about. Pengajian Malaysia at this stage is simply restudying history. But at least I'm actually hearing BM again. The quality of my BM must have severely deteriorated by now I'm sure. Since the end of SPM I've been speaking, reading, and doing pretty much everything in English. Which calls for an improvement in my English of course. Unfortunately is has also caused a decline in my once 'all right' BM.

My other subject, Sun Tzu's Art of War and Business Strategies is quite an all right subject I think. The only problem is my lecturer. When she starts to speak, its pretty much guaranteed that I'll get a headache within 3 minutes. She just has such a shrill, piercing and extremely jarring voice. Using a mike doesn't exactly improve the situation :S Not to mention her tendency to enunciate and draaaaaag every word she says. Not in a good way :S Our poor ears...

But other than that I'm really having a good time. Still missing the monkeys back in PJ but I'm much better compared to last semester. I have a good feeling about degree :) Turns out it ain't all that bad. It might have something to do with the fact that we have more than just a few more friends THANK GOD. I mean I love Anna and Shu to pieces but its kinda taxing having to look at the same faces for a very long time hehe. Gosh I sound so mean right now. So just so you guys know, Anna and Shu both agreed with me on that :)

So well, problem half solved :)

I am no longer whining and complaining.

Sem 2...bring it on ;)

Pretend

Hey people this is just a little something I was playing around with while watching Manchester United against CSKA. Hence why its nowehere near my best work hehe. Its quite low on my standards actually :) Just wanted to share it with all you people...


Let's play a game of pretend right now
That might distract me from needless pain
Let's pretend the world is a beautiful place
Let's all from reality refrain.

When you look at me I will pretend
That you see through me to my very soul
When you catch my eye I'll ask no questions
Pretending that seeing me smile was your goal.


When you smile at me I will pretend,
That it means something infinitely more
This pretense brings me more pleasure than it ought
It touches me at my being's very core.


When you speak to me I will pretend
That I'm the only one you see
That unspoken words spoken of unspoken emotions,
Everyone disappears but you and me.


When you make me laugh I will pretend
That you don't intoxicate me as a fine wine
I'll pretend there are no tears behind my facade
My hurt will be yours and your ignorance mine.


When you answer my call I will pretend
That there's nothing you'd rather do
Just like your voice was the tonic to my million problems
I will pretend I heal you too.


When I tell you how I feel I will pretend
That it's all you've been waiting to hear
I'll imagine that gorgeous smile spread on your face
I'll pretend you too had always wanted me near.


When you take my hand I will pretend
That as our hands fitted perfectly, so did we
When you lean on my shoulder I will pretend
That by your side you'll always want me to be.


When you promise me forever I will pretend
That every word is strong and true
Nothing will overshadow my joy and relief
And that day I will never rue.


Then suddenly one day you fall in love
With her luck I cannot compete
A simple statement and just like that ((((MU JUST SCORED!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D))))
My rude awakening was complete.


And on that day my greatest pretense of all
Will slowly but surely come into play
I will pretend you didn't break my heart
I will appear ecstatic no matter what my conscience may say.


So let's play a game of pretend right now
That might distract me from needless pain
Let's pretend the world is a beautiful place
Let's all from reality refrain.

Sad but comforted...

It was just a normal Friday. I was about to yell at Dad for being home so late with lunch when he said those fateful words "Tata's really bad". And when I was unpacking lunch he made the doomed call to Taiping. I was already scared and worried and next thing I knew he was asking if Alice attai was sure that he wasn't breathing. And that's it. In a split second in what had been an absurdly normal day until that moment, I lost my grandfather.


Obviously we rushed back to Taiping about an hour later. Dad was completely not himself and it scared the crap outta me. So on the way to Taiping something totally hilarious happened. There was a jam somewhere on the way after the tunnel and we were stuck there for quite a while. Suddenly Joash said he saw Terrence sithappa's car. We asked how he knew and he was quick to reply that his shiny bald head gave him away hehe. Imagine our surprise when we caught up with them at Taiping and Terrence sithappa said the exact same thing-Keith(my cousin and his son) had seen the car and Terrence sithappa pointed out that he confirmed it was our car when he spotted Dad's shiny bald head as well hehe.


Let me just point out here that I absolutely hate and I really mean HATE funerals. They make me upset and depressed and even if I don't know the person I tend to cry when i see other people cry. And I'm not really fond of crying that much. So just imagine seeing my granddad lying there. Just lying there. And my grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins all around the coffin some crying, some just staring in shocked disbelief. Oddly I found it more comforting to just not look at tata. Cause whenever I did the tears just wouldn't stop.


So anyway we were there for a while and part of the family was already there. Then we went back to my other (maternal) grandma's place for the night cause dad's mom's place was just too freakishly crowded and we probably would have ended up sleeping outside if we had stayed :) Keith and his mom my aunt Sandra followed us there and I ended up being totally unable to sleep and watching The Nanny by myself in the house which was totally blanketed with darkness. Didn't sleep well that night at all. I suppose it was fitting.


And the next day was the funeral.


Our day began just as any day would. Then the all black outfits came on and everywhere there were reminders that a funeral was about to happen that day. Then came the comforting part. Chandra sithappa and his family, including my dear dear cousins Benjy and Christina and my darling aunt Asha all arrived from India. Gosh they've only been gone for like 3 months and we all missed them insanely. Benjy looks a lot like Christina now hehe. His long hair apparently not an issue in his new American school :) Oh and in the morning when I arrived I was surprised to see a new family settling down in the house. Like an idiot I asked sis who those people were. Turns out my long lost aunt Mary had brought her whole family for the funeral. And I haven't seen her since I was a baby by the way. She has children and all, meaning I had cousins I didn't even know about :S


It was such a great feeling when the whole family was there. It felt complete and just right somehow. An extremely dysfunctional family we may be but we're still a family right? Its just sad that it had to happen because of a death in the family. Cause I'm sure tata would have loved to see his family all together like that.


Anyway the funeral was soon after lunch. There was a lot of crying and sniffling. I didn't listen to the sermon much cause I was busy thinking about tata. It was so sad thinking about the past and how great it was and thinking that the future would still be there..but without him. I'd always figured he'd just be there. So the burial was very dramatic la. The Thangasamy clan as usual is either a sitcom or a drama and on that day the full impact of the influence of Tamil cinema showed itself in the behavioural patterns of my family lol.


Sigh......... We left him there at the cemetery literally six feet under. But I was a bit relieved after the burial was over. It always seems to be that way most of the time I wonder why....


Anyway, after that our whole trip was about family time and bonding. I was pretty much constantly with my cousins. The adults were all settling funeral expenses and such. But it was pretty great. My family usually only all gets together at Christmas so it was awesome to see everyone and spend time with them. Cause in case I haven't mentioned this, my family can be extremely fun to hang around with :)


Chandra sithappa was regretting losing my number when he switched his sim card in New Delhi. He usually calls me whenever Man United lose no matter what ungodly hour it is just to heckle me and so that I can yell at him while he laughs :@ So he and Benjy had just watched a match where they lost and he wanted to call me all the way from India but he realised he lost my number hehe. And the biggest family joke now is my weight and lack of a boyfriend apparently ;p Joash was being more of a pest than usual. Maybe being surrounded by people who laugh at his jokes brings on his more-than-a-little-annoying side. And the little devil of the occasion was my cousin Ezra who's about 8 or 9 who irritated the crap out of me and didn't seem to mind when I suffocated or slapped or pretty much generally abused him hehe. Basically I had fun. Hence the title of this post.


I do feel sad that tata is gone. And I'm definitely bummed that I won't be seeing him at Christmas and the way he has that funny way of laughing and so many other memories that suddenly resurfaced at his passing. But I'm greatly comforted by the fact that I'm not alone in my sadness. I have my entire family to turn to and they're all just as sad as I am. And not only that, his death however sad it may be, brought our family and I mean our WHOLE family together again. That's the best feeling ever.


But there's not that much cause for sadness is there? Sure, the physical separation is hard. But its not like I'll never see tata again. Life on Earth is short, and we do our best to make it sweet and memorable. However in the end, its the afterlife that matters. It's what our entire earthly life strives for. And I'll see my tata again...


Rest in peace tata. We'll all miss you terribly and know that you'll be watching us from above..

Tired of finals and panda eyes...

Well its almost over. Just two papers left then I'm done for the semester. That's right, one down and like 8 more to go. Not very comforting is it? hehe


But at least my most dreaded paper is over that's something. I went into the exam hall today with a repeated mantra in my head saying "Accounts will be over when you get out, accounts will be over when you get out...". When I got out of the hall the first thing I noticed almost everyone was complaining about was that they couldn't get the balance sheet to just be balanced already :)


So anyway I have discrete maths on Monday morning following which we will be going to my Thai lecturer, Khun Sermsuk's house for a little extra Thai lesson before our final on Wednesday. I'll miss Khun Sermsuk :( She is one of the most caring, dedicated and totally compassionate lecturers I have ever had the pleasure to learn from. And that's saying something since I always seem to have something to complain about when it comes to lecturers :)


Oh my goodness I am officially declared lifeless. I don't even know what to write on my blog!! Is my life that dull and uneventful? :(


Oh Raya was fun though. We had our usual yearly gathering at Radziah's house. Her house just haaaaaaaaaad to be at Serdang la. So we had no choice but to take Malaysia's fastest and most reliable form of transportation. Namely the KTM!!! God it was horror. The train was jam packed full of people (especially Bangladeshis and Indonesians who looked like they'd never seen girls before) and there was NO AIR COND :s I am freaking serious and not exaggerating when I say that we were all sweating bullets. It was soooooooo hot in the train that when we reached the Serdang station, we felt like we were in an air cond building rather than an outdoor ktm station :) And as if that wasn't bad enough, I was wearing a baju kebaya which refused to let me walk!! I had to take such tiny steps even when we were rushing, it was so frustrating :@ And there's more. I had no support whatsoever to hold on to in the train. I was therefore forced to hang on to Khir, who was not so stable herself and I was having a tough time holding on to her arm because we were both sweaty and our hands were slippery. There were too many scary moments when I was in great danger of losing balance and falling across the lap of some Indonesian dude. Thank goodness that never happened *shudders*.


But all that aside, once we got to Radzo's place we were back to our crazy selves and talking and talking and talking. Its nice to catch up with everyone. Sadly quite a few people couldn't make it. But anyway we were just lazing around and talking the whole afternoon and it was cool. We made plans to meet up again that Tuesday. Unfortunately I couldn't make it due to my beloved Accounts paper preparations *sigh*.


Wednesday was a new experience for me. Getting tipsy at a Raya lunch is a bit weird don't you think? hehe Very contradictory... Needless to say I didn't get much studying done on that day.


Anyway hopefully I'll have something of a little more consequence to report the next time I post. This blog is just getting lamer by the second. hehe I have been writing a little more poetry than usual lately but its a little un-postable though ;p

So til next time....


:)

"Current Events"

You know that feeling when you didn't know you could handle something and you did just fine?


I do.


I'm feeling it right now in fact. Life has been a pretty rough roller coaster lately and I'm so thankful that through the incredible highs and the nauseating lows that I have survived thus far.


Well first of all I just attended my last few classes for my first semester of degree. Gosh that was torturous. Still is actually since its not over til finals is. Well Setapak may not be my favourite place on the planet. Neither is it anywhere near the top 100 :) Let's not even get started comparing it to PJ....again. However, its been a....somewhat interesting experience.


Friends were not as easily made and true friendships have not yet been formed. But the way things stand at this moment, I wouldn't mind getting to know the few that I do know even better, and hopefully making more friends along the way. I already know that nothing will ever beat my foundation cause that was like the most non-stop fun time of my life probably. But degree ain't all that bad. I used to think it was bearable. Now I simply think that it will be a little more than that had I not been so shy and tongue-tied getting to know new people. But no regrets though. I spent my entire first semester reasonably more self conscious about what I do in class compared to foundation :)


Classes haven't been the only thing on my mind. The feeling of change slowly taking place is present. The change might be slight or subtle, those less observant than some probably might not even notice. But its there whether or not people see it.


Have you ever found it hard to believe that people are unable to forgive themselves? I always thought it was the easiest thing in the world. After all, how do you NOT forgive yourself? Nobody else knows us as much as ourselves. Now I know how insanely blur I was.


Everything changes when the joke's on you.


I tortured myself endlessly over something that I thought I had. I convinced myself to put me through it again and again and again. It was never-ending, mind-numbing, heart-breaking, soul-wrenching pain. I have never been on an emotional roller coaster quite like this one. A range of emotions that were totally alien to me was suddenly churning inside me. And more scary than the pain was the numbness that I felt when the pain got too much that I just couldn't feel anything anymore.


Somehow I was freed from that personal hell. Its a relief, definitely. And the worst part is that I could have spared myself the pain if I had just used my brains a little. What can I say? Affairs of the heart are not to be meddled in by the mind :) Anyway, all I can say is that though I'm glad its over, I'm also glad for the experience. Its part and parcel of life and I appreciate the intricacies of human nature better now that I've experienced a few of them myself.


So yeah, I shall stop blabbering about nothing in particular right now. I shall post something a bit more cheerful soon I hope. To all my classmates, Happy Studying cause its STUDY BREAK!! Eeeewww that makes me sound excited about it. Just so we're clear I am NOT in any way excited about the prospect of studying non-stop for about a month waiting for my finals to be over.


That being said, I should be diving into my books now instead of crapping here :)
Good luck in your finals people...

Sorry people this looked interesting :)

Can you name 31 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 31 people!


1. Minnie
2. Lisa
3. Anna
4. Shu
5. Michelle
6. Jasmine
7. Tania
8. Asha
9. Sham
10. Sharanya
11. Radzo
12. Jeni
13. Khir
14. Poon
15. Leanne
16. Sanjeev
17. Aaron
18. Gabe
19. CK
20. Thibash
21. Dannis
22. Thinesh (mama)
23. Nevin
24. Khuben
25. Bryan
26. Aaron (Ong)
27. Reyhan
28. Jamie
29. Matt
30. Michael
31. Audrey




THE BURNING QUESTIONS


• How did you meet 10?
We were in secondary school together


• What would you do if you had never met 6?
I would have died from the lack of a shoulder to cry on :)


• What would you do if 28 and 29 dated?
Omg what a coincidence :) I would applaud them n tell them they were meant for each other..


• If you could marry between 12 and 27 who will it be?
Haha I'm only saying 27 cause 12 is a girl...


• Did you ever like 9?
She's our own personal clown of course I love her :)


• Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Nah...close to it but not really cry..


• Would 31 and 25 make a good couple?
Haha well to my knowledge no...but anything can happen ;p


• Would number 24 and 16 make a good couple?
Well they're both guys...and Khuben has quite a girlfriend so I'll have to say no :)


• Describe 8.
She used to be the principal's quiet daughter..but then she got crazy n now she's one of the funniest people :)


• Tell me something about 17.
A total clown who makes me laugh like an ass...Very nice fella.


• What's 7's favorite color?
Oops I don't think I know...sorry tan :)


• What would you do if 1 just confessed he/she liked you?
Haha she's my best friend and I know for a fact that she's straight...


• When was the last time you talked to number 15?
Last Sunday at church..


• How do you think 19 feels about you?
I'll always wonder....... :(


• What language does 13 speak?
English, BM and Tamil


• Who is 30 going out with?
Nobody..at least as far as I know..


• What is 5's favorite music?
Mostly pop and whatever tamil songs that she likes from aaron's selection :)


• Would you ever date 22?
Haha that's interesting....hmmm maybe, u never know...


• Is 11 single?
Yup.


• What is 14's last name?
hmmm her name is Poon Yee Ling so is this a trick question?


• Would you ever want to be in a relationship with 7?
Haha I'm straight...that's a no btw..


• Where does 20 live?
In Melaka..but when studying he stays at PJ..


• What do you think about 18?
Another clown :)


• What is the best thing about 23?
He's annoying but everyone loves him...hehe


• What would you like to tell 1 right now?
Some stuff about a gorgeous French guy I just met..hehe


• How did you meet 21?
At UTAR..useless place but at least I got some good friends :)


• What is the best and worst thing about 2?
She's always cheerful and wonderful and supportive and keeps my deepest darkest secrets without judgement...the worst thing about her is that she's too perfectly nice to me :)


• Are you going to know 3 forever?
I certainly hope so..


• How long have you known 26?
Ages and ages and ages..I should ask him if he remembers :S

There is only ONE UNITED :D

I still remember that fateful day when I got the call. I had already lost hope on watching the match a long time before when Joash told me the cheaper tickets were all sold out :'( I wasn't as disappointed as I normally would have been cause after all, Ronaldo had left n though I do love Man United, I had no uncontrollable desire to see the rest of them hehe. Anyway it was a Wednesday and I had just done quite badly on a Probabilty test. Just when I handed in my paper, my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I was like shit, I'm gonna look like an idiot now answering my phone when the lecturer had been yelling at us all to switch off our phones. Anyway luckily it was on silent la so I just let it ring. Next thing I know I'm getting a message. he lecturer was far away enough for me to check my phone and guess what? It was from Lisa and it said to please pick up cause its about mu. I got a shock la obviously so when she called like a few seconds later I picked up. Next thing I know she's telling me that her mom has found tickets for 58 bucks and asking if I want to go watch them at Bukit Jalil!!!

Obviously my answer took milliseconds or less :D After that I practically forgot how badly I did in my test hehe. Perfect timing, Lisa :) You totally saved me from days of depression hehe.

Anyway today was the day in history as I'm sure everyone knows. I'm still in shock and wonder that I actually watched Manchester United..in the flesh :D Its the best feeling ever hehe. My day only really began when we got to Masjid Jamek to take the train to Bukit Jalil. The place was filled with jersey-clad Man United supporters. I felt on top of the world obviously but Joash's eyes were already bleeding :) I was having way too good a time to notice his suffering though hehe. When we got to the Bukit Jalil station it really was a sight to behold la watching the sea of people walking at the station. I have a picture but its not a very good one :S Sis was rushing me and I was being pushed around. Comes with being in a place which had too many people in it at a time I guess :)

So after that me, sis n Joash were just hanging around waiting for Uncle Paul, Aunty Maria, Reyhan and Lisa to get there. I was disturbing Gabe and Sugin in the meantime cause they were gonna be watcing the match too. Unfortunately Sugin had already gone inside and Gabe semangated-ly went to church :) So after about an hour waiting the Paul Davis family got there and we went into the stadium. I had loadsa fun in there. Screamed myself hoarse when the team came out to warm up hehe. I was excited la what to do? I could barely stay in my seat it was just too exciting. Aunty Maria seemed to be very amused when I started screaming and bouncing in my seat. She had probably never seen me acting like an overexcited clown like that. In fact she had probably never seen ANYone acting like an overexcited clown like that hehe.

So we were sitting right behind the goal post on one end of the pitch. In the first half van der sar was on our side la. It was definitely exciting la. But the commentary from the people around us was equally entertaining as the match itself hehe. I remember when Malaysia got a free kick, the dude barely got the ball to MOVE and some dude behind us yelled "Tak makan ke???Mak cik aku lagi terror!!" haha. Oh and at one point one of the Malaysian dudes passed to a Manchester United player and a Malay guy behind us yelled "OI!!contact jatuh ke???" It really was hilarious la...

So anyway the entire match was a great experience. I may have mentioned this before but OMG I never thought I would say this but Rio Ferdinand.....omg....he looks soooooo dam hot in person. At the end of the match he was wearing the vest thingy with no shirt and his muscles were all glistening and he looked so tall and lean and...ok I think I should stop hehe. Moving on, Owen was freakishly adorable. Even Fabio got a few extra stares from me and Lisa. Too bad Raphael wasn't playing then we could have compared faces :) Anyway when Ryan Giggs came on..I probably would have lost my hearing if I wasn't one of those people who was screaming like angels had descended hehe. And though we weren't thaaaat close, I was taking pictures like a crazy woman :) I'll post some here but the rest are on my Facebook if you people are interested la.

Well conclusion is, I had an amazing time watching my favourite team and receiver of my abiding loyalty play :) Even though in order to get there I was pushed, shoved, stepped on, squeezed, sweated on, knocked on the head, baked under the sun, mocked about my screaming, and many other things I really can't list down cause there are too many, I am just so glad that I went :) It was all worth it to watch Manchester United narrowly defeat Malaysia 3-2. Well Malaysia almost got a draw, they played really well. And Manchester United were playing extremely casually (underestimated Malaysian footballers I guess. Can't blame them, so did I :S) until the score was tied 2-2. Only then did the real DEVILS come alive and it was the best thing to watch ever. Towards the end Malaysia just didn't have a chance hehe. Oh by the way people I am waaay too malas to upload my pics now. I might do it later. In the meantime just check it out on my Facebook k :)

So I shall try not to be too hyper about this but I gotta let it out now...

I WATCHED THE RED DEVILS IN ACTION!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

Glory glory Man United indeed :)