"Current Events"

You know that feeling when you didn't know you could handle something and you did just fine?


I do.


I'm feeling it right now in fact. Life has been a pretty rough roller coaster lately and I'm so thankful that through the incredible highs and the nauseating lows that I have survived thus far.


Well first of all I just attended my last few classes for my first semester of degree. Gosh that was torturous. Still is actually since its not over til finals is. Well Setapak may not be my favourite place on the planet. Neither is it anywhere near the top 100 :) Let's not even get started comparing it to PJ....again. However, its been a....somewhat interesting experience.


Friends were not as easily made and true friendships have not yet been formed. But the way things stand at this moment, I wouldn't mind getting to know the few that I do know even better, and hopefully making more friends along the way. I already know that nothing will ever beat my foundation cause that was like the most non-stop fun time of my life probably. But degree ain't all that bad. I used to think it was bearable. Now I simply think that it will be a little more than that had I not been so shy and tongue-tied getting to know new people. But no regrets though. I spent my entire first semester reasonably more self conscious about what I do in class compared to foundation :)


Classes haven't been the only thing on my mind. The feeling of change slowly taking place is present. The change might be slight or subtle, those less observant than some probably might not even notice. But its there whether or not people see it.


Have you ever found it hard to believe that people are unable to forgive themselves? I always thought it was the easiest thing in the world. After all, how do you NOT forgive yourself? Nobody else knows us as much as ourselves. Now I know how insanely blur I was.


Everything changes when the joke's on you.


I tortured myself endlessly over something that I thought I had. I convinced myself to put me through it again and again and again. It was never-ending, mind-numbing, heart-breaking, soul-wrenching pain. I have never been on an emotional roller coaster quite like this one. A range of emotions that were totally alien to me was suddenly churning inside me. And more scary than the pain was the numbness that I felt when the pain got too much that I just couldn't feel anything anymore.


Somehow I was freed from that personal hell. Its a relief, definitely. And the worst part is that I could have spared myself the pain if I had just used my brains a little. What can I say? Affairs of the heart are not to be meddled in by the mind :) Anyway, all I can say is that though I'm glad its over, I'm also glad for the experience. Its part and parcel of life and I appreciate the intricacies of human nature better now that I've experienced a few of them myself.


So yeah, I shall stop blabbering about nothing in particular right now. I shall post something a bit more cheerful soon I hope. To all my classmates, Happy Studying cause its STUDY BREAK!! Eeeewww that makes me sound excited about it. Just so we're clear I am NOT in any way excited about the prospect of studying non-stop for about a month waiting for my finals to be over.


That being said, I should be diving into my books now instead of crapping here :)
Good luck in your finals people...