A Degree of Closure

Yes, yes, it’s been a while, I’m horrible, I really should find time to update more, yada yada yada. There, outpouring of guilt done. 

But seriously, I really should update more. So much for having a passion that outlasted blogging being the latest trend. Hah. 

Anyway, been running around like a headless chicken a lot lately. In other words, busy as usual. I’m settling into this whole tuition/tutoring thing. It’s going pretty well really :) 

On the greyer side of life, Life Con test that accounts for 20% of my final grade is coming up on Friday. Joy. Someone, please, stop this rollercoaster of fun and cheer that is my degree life. 

Speaking of my degree life, I had this odd feeling the other day when I was walking out of campus. I was looking around and daydreaming as usual when suddenly I had this weird out of body experience where I thought ‘Man…this is really ending’. 

I mean, it’s Week 12 of my final semester already! It totally snuck up on me, I thought I was stuck in an endless time vortex where it stayed Week 8 forever. Next thing I knew the Bar List was out and the timetable for finals was out and it’s almost Easter and Lent’s almost over already (It feels like Ash Wednesday was yesterday. Really) and now finals is in three weeks (Three weeks? Two? Whatever, finals is coming) and…yeah. 

My student life is almost officially over. 

I guess the last time I thought the end was near it didn’t really feel like the end. I was freaking out about the future and strolling into the real world like I belonged there even though it felt more like I was desperately shoving my way out of childhood when I wasn’t ready and struggling to come to terms with it. 

But it’s different this time. 

I’ve slowly made my peace with the reality that I can’t stay in my little corner of the world anymore. It’s been an adventure putting a toe across the line that is adulthood. I know I’m not there yet, but I’ve accepted that it’s time to accept responsibility for myself and my life and my decisions, a little at a time. 

Besides, I’ve done my time as a university student. The best part of life at uni has made its way to graduation already; the friends I’ve made, lost and held on to. Some still remain, but it’s not the same. I found my share of crazy stories about life as a student; eccentric lecturers, too smart to be true classmates, the annoyance that is 8am classes, the aura of wrath and potential homicide that surrounded the Faculty General Office. The rose tinted glasses have come on already, romanticizing the whole thing. It seems more funny than anything else now, which above all else convinced me that it was time to let go. 

So this time when I walk into that hall to sit for my final paper, I hope it will be the last time. I have somehow found it in myself to remember my time in university with fondness instead of growling impatience. 

Here’s to my last semester at the university we all used to mockingly call ‘our choice’ on a daily basis. To UTAR, the home of Unlimited Tests, Assignments and Reports (geddit, geddit, geddit??), the place that drained us dry, yet gave us memories to despise and unconditionally love in equal measure. To the next step in our journey that is our one life (Well, depending on what you believe that is) that has been one hell of a ride already. 

To…us.