Okay hold up, I'm not emo-ing about lost love here so everybody can calm down and stop staring in confusion wondering who I could possibly be talking about. I'm explaining, patience, patience.
So lately I've been reading a lot of Lee Child books. A lot. And by a lot I mean I downloaded all 16 books and am plodding my way through one by one. Quite a few of them I had already read, thanks to the generosity of the UTAR library so those I skipped. Anyway, Lee Child. Awesome writer, I am a huge fan. I love how he writes and how I never see the twists coming in his books. When it comes it's like this huge sucker punch which you just do not see coming. It's amazing. And he's funny too. In a very dry, subtle way. To those of you who just asked in your minds if he's British, yes he is lol.
His books are about this ex-military cop, current vagabond, drifter, whatever you call it named Jack Reacher. Oh, Jack Reacher. So he wanders around carrying nothing with him except a toothbrush, and after the 9/11 tragedy that made travel more complicated, his passport, and goes about putting wrongs that he sees to rights. He's a great character; absolutely humongous at 6 feet 5 inches and 250 pounds, polite, strong sense of right and wrong, funny.
How do you not fall for a guy this funny and this confident and just....Reacher-like?
Like in the book '61 Hours' there's a scene where the Police Chief of this small town is being confronted by two big biker guys in the snow and Reacher's sitting in the car with another cop who's too scared to help.
Reacher: You better do something.
The policeman does nothing.
Reacher: Interesting strategy. You're going to wait until they freeze to death.
LOL. And there was this other book, 'The Hard Way' and there's a scene where this woman, Lauren Pauling is wading through rubbish looking for something.
Lauren: There could be rats.
Reacher: Use the flashlight.
Lauren: Will that scare them off?
Reacher: No, but you'll see them coming.
See, he's so funny. I also like him when he's mad. In another book, 'Bad Luck and Trouble', him and his old military police unit are trying to avenge the deaths of four of their friends and to do that they're trying to get information from this lady, Diana Bond.
Diana: I'm appealing to your patriotism. This is a question of national security.
Reacher: Between the four of us here, we've got sixty years in uniform. How many have you got?
Diana: None.
Reacher: How many has your boss got?
Diana: None.
Reacher: Then shut up about patriotism and national security, okay? You're not qualified.
*sigh* With every book I read, I just fell more and more in love with Jack Reacher, got more and more annoyed with every villain that tried to best him (and failed obviously), and pretty much just became more and more grateful for the existence of Lee Child, who brought him to life.
Then they went and ruined it for me.
Apparently one of Lee Child's books, One Shot, is currently being filmed. Yes, it's being made into a movie. Guess who they casted as my current most favourite anti-hero?
If you absorbed anything at all that I just wrote, you'll understand why when I found out I just stared at my screen in blank shock and horror and went ".......HUH??"
Tom Cruise? Really? Six foot five and two hundred and fifty pounds? Uhhuh, sure. Jack Reacher really is being brought to life, huh? This is practically a crime in cinema. Especially to all fellow Reacher addicts, or, quoting an article I just read, 'Jackaholics'. I mean, I can't quite picture Tom Cruise nailing the classic Reacher headbutt, or stopping a guy's heart with a solid 250-pound punch. And come on, if not someone who fit the general description in the books then at least someone who was tall enough to deliver a headbutt! I'm sure it'll be entertaining to watch Tom Cruise try and play the role but...it's still a disappointment. Yes, I'm sulking.
But wait, that's not even the worst part. The director of 'One Shot' was an unknown name to me, Christopher McQuarrie. Or so I thought. Apparently he directed one of my 'favourite' movies of all time, The Tourist. I swear that movie almost killed me. It really almost did. I was on the verge of suffocating myself with my popcorn just so the torment would end. And he's directing my precious opportunity to watch Jack Reacher onscreen instead of just picturing him in my mind.
*sigh* This is a message to the universe. I get the joke. You are cruel and you have a sick sense of humour, but well played. Well played.
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