I (Don't) Wanna

At least when my heart was broken I knew what I was doing-I was taking time to heal.


But what then? What about after I heal and am lost and confused about what comes next?


Damn.


Sometimes I think that being the idiot that I sometimes(or most of the time) am, I hold on to the hurt just so I don't have to go through it all again. I don't think the cruel fate is through with me yet. Hence it would just be safer to stay heartbroken and in no mood whatsoever for whatever other forms of pain I haven't quite experienced yet.


Sigh.


I can't even begin to imagine falling again. I've just come to a realisation that it simply never worked out positively for me. Not once. Damn, that's comforting.


Not even once!!!


That's gotta be bad.


I'm rambling and talking nonsense I know.


So what do I do if there is someone? Do I ignore it because I'm scared? Do I take a step forward, AGAIN, only to discover disappointment, AGAIN?


I envy all those lucky souls who don't know what its like to feel this way. If any of you guys are curious about how it feels, don't be. Maybe it'll make me stronger when I'm past it. But now all I feel is a vulnerability which drives me insane.


No one wants to believe themselves vulnerable. That would just suck big time.


I don't wanna be vulnerable. I wanna go back to being strong.


But I can't.


Because amidst this pain I feel a new pain.


Falling for someone while hurting for someone else.

Great.